So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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