Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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