There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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