Got a toothbrush?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
