we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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