I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
