You smell like stripper and shame
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
