i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
