I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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