I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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