the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my being single is dangerous.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
