I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
