I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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