There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
