I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
