i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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