We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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