Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
