I have demons in me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
