can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
