If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
