I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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