Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
