i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
