Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
