come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
