Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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