Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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