Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
3pm strippers are depressing
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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