I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
