I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
