if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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