He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
