Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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