my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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