Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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