sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
