I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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