you mean i was at the winter classic?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
