I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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