Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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