Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
