no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
