Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
