It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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