My liver just broke up with me...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
