he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
