He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
