I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
