i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Another day, another engagement, another cat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
