I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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