Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
