i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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