Your mouth is God's brothel.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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