Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
