i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
