its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
