Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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