Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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