I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
