apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
