Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
