Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
