drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
