I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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