my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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