Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This toilet bowl is my home.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
