Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
