break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
