in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize