no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
