i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
